im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize