dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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