I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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