...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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