I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
