just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
