Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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