I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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