Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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