Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He better not be in your backpack
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
