bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
