He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
