I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
