I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
