did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
