Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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