I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
