You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
