im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
