My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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