I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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