Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize