Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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