Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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