I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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