when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
