i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
