No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
