I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
