"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
