i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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