I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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