Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize