If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
