I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
