Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everclear isn't food dammit
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
