her vagine was all disorganized.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
