I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
