I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
