my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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