Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
