at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
