It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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