White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
