dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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