Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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