Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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