What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
