I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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