Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
