youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
