dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
