I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
