you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
