it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You are the jesus of drinking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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