our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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