Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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