we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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