Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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