apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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