I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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