i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
