i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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