just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
