I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
