So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
