Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
