just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
