you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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