I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
