yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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