Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
