I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My cat gives me a boner
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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