What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
