i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
