I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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