During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
