who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
