i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
