there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
