my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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