Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
