May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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