Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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