I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
