My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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