I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
