In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
