It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
