At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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