I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
