hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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