She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
