i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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