the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
third nipple confirmed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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