what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
