I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
