i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
